Writing wedding vows feels like trying to summarize your entire relationship in a greeting card while your future mother-in-law judges your grammar.
But here’s the thing—the most memorable vows aren’t the ones that sound like they came from a romance novel.
They’re the ones that feel unmistakably you.
1. Start With Your Secret Language
Every couple has inside jokes, made-up words, or phrases that make zero sense to anyone else. These linguistic quirks are pure gold for wedding vows.
Maybe you call each other ridiculous nicknames that would make your friends cringe, or you have a running joke about how your partner pronounces “bagel.”
Weaving these personal touches into your vows creates moments that belong entirely to you two.
2. Reference Your Worst Fight (Yes, Really)
This sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. That massive argument about whose turn it was to take out the trash—or something equally mundane—probably taught you both something important about your relationship.
Acknowledging how you’ve grown through conflict shows maturity and authenticity. Plus, it often gets a knowing chuckle from guests who’ve witnessed your relationship’s real moments, not just the Instagram-worthy ones.
3. Include Your Pet’s Perspective
If your dog, cat, or surprisingly opinionated goldfish played a role in bringing you together, give them their moment. Maybe Fluffy was the reason you first started talking, or perhaps your cat’s approval sealed the deal.
Pet references work because they’re unexpected and often hilarious. Just don’t spend more time talking about Mr. Whiskers than your actual partner—priorities, people.
4. Steal From Your Text Messages
Your phone contains a treasure trove of authentic moments. That sweet good morning text, the random “thinking of you” message, or even the practical “can you grab milk?” exchanges reveal your daily rhythm together.
Reading through old messages can remind you of forgotten moments and give you genuine language to work with. The way you actually talk to each other is often more romantic than any flowery speech you could craft.
5. Address Your Partner’s Quirks Directly
Does your future spouse insist on eating pizza with a fork? Do they have an inexplicable fear of butterflies? These little idiosyncrasies are part of what makes them uniquely them.
Mentioning these quirks—lovingly, not mockingly—shows you see and accept your partner completely. It’s intimate in a way that generic promises about “loving forever” simply can’t match.
6. Reference Your Shared Obsessions
Whether you’re both obsessed with true crime podcasts, vintage records, or that weird British baking show, your mutual interests reveal something about your connection.
These shared passions often represent deeper values or simply the joy you find in experiencing things together. They’re also relatable to guests who know about your weekend Netflix binges or your inability to pass a used bookstore without stopping.
7. Quote Your Grandmother (Or Their Grandmother)
Family wisdom—especially from beloved grandparents—adds depth and continuity to your vows. Maybe your grandmother always said “marriage is 50/50, but sometimes it’s 80/20, and that’s okay too.”
These inherited pieces of wisdom connect your relationship to something larger while honoring the people who shaped you. Plus, it’s guaranteed to make certain family members tear up in the best way.
8. Include Your Biggest Fear About Marriage
Vulnerability is magnetic. Admitting what scares you about marriage—whether it’s becoming boring, losing your independence, or never agreeing on thermostat settings—makes your vows real.
Naming fears often diminishes their power while showing your partner (and your guests) that you’re entering marriage with eyes wide open. It’s brave and refreshing in a world of picture-perfect wedding content.
9. Reference a Mundane Tuesday
Skip the vacation photos and anniversary dinners. Talk about a random Tuesday when your partner brought you soup when you were sick, or how they always remembers to record your favorite show.
These ordinary moments are actually extraordinary because they represent your daily life together. Grand gestures are nice, but it’s the small consistencies that build a marriage.
10. Mention Your Partner’s Hidden Talent
Maybe your partner can perfectly imitate your mother’s voice, has an uncanny ability to find parking spaces, or makes the world’s best grilled cheese. These seemingly silly talents often become relationship touchstones.
Highlighting these unique abilities shows you pay attention to the small things that make your partner special. It’s also usually news to half the wedding guests, making your vows feel like an intimate reveal.
11. Include a Promise That’s Hilariously Specific
Generic promises are forgettable. Promising to “always let you control the music in the car” or “never judge your reality TV choices” is both funny and meaningful.
These specific promises often address real relationship dynamics while showing you understand what actually matters to your partner. They’re the kind of vows people remember and quote back to you years later.
12. End With Your Own Made-Up Word
Create a word that encapsulates your relationship—maybe it’s “adventurous” combined with “cozy” to make “advcozy,” or “silly” plus “supportive” to create “sillportive.”
Ending with something you’ve literally created together feels like the ultimate personalization. It’s your relationship distilled into something that exists nowhere else in the world.
Making It All Come Together
The key to sneaky personalization is balance. You want enough inside references to feel authentic without alienating your guests or turning your vows into an incomprehensible code.
Test your vows on a friend who knows your relationship well. If they’re laughing, tearing up, or saying “that’s so you two,” you’re on the right track.
The Final Touch
Your wedding vows don’t need to be perfect—they need to be yours.
The moments that make you both laugh until you snort, the quirks that drove you crazy until they became endearing, the tiny daily choices that add up to love—these are the details that transform generic promises into something unforgettable.
Trust your instincts, embrace the weird, and remember that the best vows sound like they could only come from you.