Your wedding ceremony doesn’t have to be all tears and serious vows. Sometimes the best way to celebrate your love is with a good laugh that breaks the tension and reminds everyone why they fell in love with you as a couple in the first place.
These ten readings will have your guests chuckling in their seats while still capturing the beautiful chaos of married life. Fair warning: you might need to practice reading these with a straight face.
1. The Owl and the Pussycat’s Marriage Advice
Edward Lear’s beloved nonsense poem takes on new meaning when you realize it’s actually the perfect metaphor for marriage.
Two completely different creatures deciding to sail away together with nothing but a pea-green boat and blind faith? That’s basically every couple on their wedding day.
“The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea in a beautiful pea-green boat. They took some honey, and plenty of money, wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above, and sang to a small guitar, ‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love, what a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!’
Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! Too long we have tarried: but what shall we do for a ring?’
They sailed away, for a year and a day, to the land where the Bong-tree grows, and there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood with a ring at the end of his nose. ‘Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’
So they took it away, and were married next day by the Turkey who lives on the hill. They dined on mince, and slices of quince, which they ate with a runcible spoon; and hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the moon.”
The beauty of this reading lies in its absurdity mixed with genuine romance. Here are two creatures who shouldn’t work together but somehow do, improvising their way through life’s adventures with whatever resources they can find.
2. Why I Love You More Than Coffee
This modern take on traditional love letters speaks to every couple who’s ever had to share a bathroom mirror or negotiate who makes the morning coffee. It’s honest, it’s real, and it perfectly captures those tiny moments that actually make a marriage work.
“I love you more than coffee, which is saying something because I really love coffee. I love you more than sleeping in on Sundays, more than the last slice of pizza, and more than having the remote control all to myself.
I love you more than my phone battery at 100%, more than finding a parking spot right in front of the store, and more than when the WiFi actually works without me having to reset the router seventeen times.
I love you more than getting green lights all the way to work, more than when my favorite song comes on the radio right when I get in the car, and more than successfully opening a package without scissors.
I love you more than complaining about things that don’t really matter, which is also saying something because I really love complaining about things that don’t really matter.
I love you more than being right in an argument, more than the perfect comeback that I think of immediately instead of three hours later in the shower, and more than when autocorrect actually corrects instead of making me look like I’m having a stroke.
But most of all, I love you more than the person I was before I met you, and I love the person I am when I’m with you. And that’s saying everything.”
This reading works because it starts silly and ends sincere. Your guests will be laughing at the relatable frustrations before being hit with the genuine emotion at the end.
3. The Art of Marriage According to Dr. Seuss
Taking inspiration from Dr. Seuss’s wisdom about life’s ups and downs, this reading applies his signature style to the adventure of marriage. It’s playful, rhythmic, and surprisingly profound for something that sounds like it belongs in a children’s book.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. And now you are two, which is more fun than one. You’ll have twice the adventures, twice the laughter, twice the fun.
You’ll go to great places, you’ll see wondrous sights. You’ll have some good days and some difficult nights. Sometimes you’ll be happy, sometimes you’ll be sad. Sometimes you’ll be good, sometimes you’ll be bad.
You’ll have times when you’re angry, you’ll have times when you’re scared. But remember, dear couple, your love will be shared. When one of you stumbles, the other will stand. When one of you falls down, you’ll lend a helping hand.
You’ll weather the storms and you’ll dance in the rain. You’ll celebrate joy and you’ll comfort through pain. So today as you marry, remember this truth: love is an adventure for both of you.
From here to there, funny things are everywhere. And with love in your hearts, you can go anywhere.”
The rhythm makes this reading incredibly fun to deliver, and the message about supporting each other through life’s inevitable ups and downs resonates with anyone who’s been married longer than five minutes.
4. Marriage: A Relationship Status Update
This reading takes the modern obsession with social media and applies it to the very analog experience of getting married. It’s perfect for couples who met online or who can’t go five minutes without checking their phones.
“Today [Bride] and [Groom] are updating their relationship status from ‘It’s Complicated’ to ‘Married.’ This change has been pending for [length of relationship], during which time they have accumulated numerous likes, shares, and comments on their love story.
Their compatibility rating is off the charts, with shared interests including Netflix binge-watching, arguing about whose turn it is to take out the trash, and pretending to be adults who have their lives together.
Their mutual friends have approved this relationship update, though some are still waiting for the wedding photos to be posted. Terms and conditions of this marriage include: sharing passwords, splitting the last cookie, and pretending the other person is funny even when they’re not.
Privacy settings have been adjusted to ‘completely transparent’ because apparently that’s what marriage is about. Both parties agree to tag each other in all future life events, to provide tech support for each other’s devices, and to share streaming service accounts until death do they part.
By saying ‘I do,’ both parties acknowledge they have read and agree to these terms, even though let’s be honest, nobody ever actually reads the terms and conditions.
This relationship status update is now live and cannot be undone without significant paperwork and awkward conversations with relatives.”
This reading perfectly captures how weird it is to formalize a relationship that’s already been functioning just fine. Plus, it gives older relatives a chance to feel confused about technology while still understanding the love story.
5. The Honest Wedding Vows Translation
Every couple writes beautiful, poetic vows, but this reading provides the hilarious translation of what those vows actually mean in day-to-day married life. It’s brutally honest and absolutely hysterical.
“When we say ‘for better or worse,’ we mean for better, or for when you leave your socks literally everywhere except the hamper. When we say ‘in sickness and in health,’ we mean in health, and when you have a minor cold but act like you’re dying from the plague.
When we say ‘for richer or poorer,’ we mean for richer, or for when we argue about whether we can afford name-brand cereal. When we say ‘to have and to hold,’ we mean to have and to hold, and to share the covers even when you’re a blanket hog.
When we say ‘to love and to cherish,’ we mean to love and to cherish, even when you eat the last piece of cake without asking. When we say ‘until death do us part,’ we mean until death do us part, or until you start talking during the season finale of our favorite show.
We promise to laugh at each other’s jokes, even the ones we’ve heard fifty times. We promise to pretend we don’t notice when you sing badly in the car.
We promise to take turns being the responsible one, and to take turns being the one who suggests ordering pizza instead of cooking. We promise to love each other even when we’re being completely ridiculous, which, let’s be honest, is most of the time.”
This reading acknowledges that marriage is less about grand romantic gestures and more about tolerating each other’s weird habits with good humor.
6. The IKEA Furniture Assembly Test of True Love
Anyone who’s ever tried to assemble furniture with their partner knows this is the ultimate relationship test. This reading turns that shared trauma into a beautiful metaphor for building a life together.
“They say that if a couple can survive assembling IKEA furniture together, they can survive anything. Today, [Bride] and [Groom] are proving they have what it takes to build not just a BILLY bookshelf, but a lifetime together.
They have successfully navigated the instruction manual of dating, survived the confusing diagrams of engagement, and managed not to throw any Allen wrenches at each other in the process. They have learned that sometimes the pieces don’t fit together the way you expect, and that’s okay.
Sometimes you have to take apart what you’ve built and start over. Sometimes you discover you’re missing a crucial piece, and you have to improvise. Sometimes you realize you’ve been reading the instructions upside down, and you have to laugh at yourselves and begin again.
They have learned that the most important tool in any relationship is patience, followed closely by the ability to find humor in frustration. They know that the finished product might not look exactly like the picture on the box, but it will be uniquely theirs.
They understand that building something together requires communication, compromise, and the willingness to ask for help when you need it.
Most importantly, they have discovered that the real joy isn’t in the finished product, but in the process of creating something together, even when that process involves questioning your life choices and wondering why anyone thought Swedish furniture names were a good idea.”
This reading works because literally everyone can relate to the specific frustration of furniture assembly, making it an instant crowd-pleaser.
7. The Netflix and Chill Commitment Ceremony
This reading takes the modern concept of “Netflix and chill” and turns it into a surprisingly sweet meditation on the importance of just enjoying each other’s company, even when you’re doing absolutely nothing productive.
“Today, [Bride] and [Groom] are making the ultimate commitment: they are promising to Netflix and chill together for the rest of their lives. This is no small commitment.
This means they will spend countless hours debating what to watch, scrolling through endless options, and eventually settling on something they’ve both seen twelve times before.
They promise to share the good snacks and not judge each other for crying during animated movies. They vow to take turns choosing what to binge-watch, even when one person’s taste in television makes the other question their life choices.
They commit to pausing the show when one of them needs to use the bathroom, and to never, ever, watch the next episode without the other person.
They promise to create the perfect blanket fort, to argue about the optimal room temperature, and to take turns being the one who has to find the remote when it inevitably disappears into the couch cushions.
They pledge to comfort each other during scary movies, to explain complicated plot points when one of them wasn’t paying attention, and to pretend they don’t notice when the other person falls asleep during the boring parts.
Most importantly, they promise to find joy in the simple pleasure of each other’s company, whether they’re watching the greatest show ever made or the most ridiculous reality TV known to humanity.
Because sometimes the best part of any day is just being together, doing absolutely nothing, and being perfectly content with that.”
This reading celebrates the underrated intimacy of comfortable silence and shared lazy days, which honestly might be more important than grand romantic gestures.
8. The Superhero Origin Story of Marriage
Every good superhero story starts with an ordinary person discovering they have extraordinary powers. This reading frames marriage as the ultimate superhero team-up, complete with special abilities and arch-nemeses.
“Today marks the origin story of a new superhero duo: [Bride] and [Groom]. Like all great superheroes, they started as ordinary people living ordinary lives. But when their powers combined, they discovered they were capable of extraordinary things.
[Bride]’s superpowers include the ability to find anything that’s been lost, the power to remember every anniversary and birthday, and the incredible strength to open jars that seem impossible to open.
[Groom]’s superpowers include the ability to reach things on high shelves, the power to kill spiders without screaming, and the amazing talent for parallel parking in impossibly small spaces.
Together, they form an unstoppable team. They can tackle any challenge, from assembling furniture to hosting dinner parties to figuring out their taxes.
They have faced many arch-nemeses: the evil Doctor Debt, the villainous Captain Miscommunication, and the dreaded Professor Procrastination. But with their combined powers and matching outfits, they have defeated them all.
Their secret headquarters is their shared home, where they recharge their powers through the consumption of coffee and the watching of Netflix.
Their greatest weakness is their tendency to enable each other’s bad habits, but their greatest strength is their ability to laugh at themselves when they inevitably mess up.
Today, they are officially joining forces to protect and serve their community, their families, and each other. With great power comes great responsibility, and with great love comes great joy.”
This reading is perfect for couples who are a little bit nerdy and don’t take themselves too seriously. Plus, it gives you an excuse to make superhero sound effects during the ceremony.
9. The Honest Real Estate Listing for Marriage
Real estate listings are notorious for their creative interpretations of reality. This reading applies that same optimistic spin to the realities of married life, with hilarious results.
“For sale: One marriage, gently used, with room for two. This charming partnership features an open floor plan perfect for communication, with plenty of space for both togetherness and individual growth.
The foundation is solid, built on shared values and mutual respect, with recent updates including improved conflict resolution and upgraded listening skills. The kitchen is perfect for cooking together or arguing about whose turn it is to do dishes.
The living room offers comfortable seating for movie nights and deep conversations about whether we need more throw pillows. The bedroom features ample closet space, though one side may be slightly more organized than the other.
The bathroom includes his and hers sinks, because apparently sharing one sink is where love goes to die. Special features include: built-in entertainment system (each other), security system (mutual protection from life’s difficulties), and climate control (the ability to keep each other warm).
Recent improvements include better communication infrastructure and upgraded patience levels. Some quirks include: occasional mysterious noises (snoring), unpredictable temperature fluctuations (mood swings), and the tendency for small items to disappear and reappear in unexpected places.
The neighborhood is friendly and welcoming, with excellent schools and close proximity to both families. This property has been well-maintained with regular date nights and annual relationship tune-ups.
Perfect for buyers looking for a lifetime investment with excellent growth potential. Serious inquiries only. No lowball offers. Cash and commitment required.”
This reading works because it takes the mundane reality of sharing space with another person and frames it as an adventure worth investing in.
10. The Technical Manual for Operating Your Spouse
Every complex piece of equipment comes with an instruction manual. This reading provides the hilarious “technical specifications” for marriage, complete with troubleshooting tips and maintenance requirements.
“Congratulations on your new spouse! This precision-engineered model comes with many advanced features and capabilities. Please read this manual carefully before operation.
Basic specifications: This model runs on coffee, compliments, and occasional alone time. Battery life varies depending on sleep schedule and stress levels. Recharging requires 7-8 hours of sleep and preferably involves snuggling.
Operating instructions: For optimal performance, provide regular meals, sincere appreciation, and the occasional surprise. This model responds well to ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and may malfunction if these commands are forgotten.
Common maintenance requirements: Regular date nights, honest communication, and the willingness to admit when you’re wrong. Annual tune-ups recommended, preferably involving a vacation somewhere with good food and no cell phone service.
Troubleshooting guide: If your spouse seems grumpy, try offering food or a hug. If that doesn’t work, try listening without trying to fix everything.
If your spouse seems distant, check to make sure you haven’t been taking them for granted. If your spouse seems stressed, remove additional responsibilities and add chocolate.
Warning: This model may occasionally emit strange noises, especially early in the morning or late at night. This is normal operation and should not cause concern.
Do not attempt to change your spouse’s fundamental programming. This will void the warranty and cause system crashes. Instead, learn to work with existing features and appreciate the unique capabilities of your particular model.
With proper care and maintenance, this spouse should provide years of reliable service, endless entertainment, and the occasional moment of pure joy that makes everything else worthwhile.”
This reading perfectly captures the absurdity of trying to “figure out” another person while acknowledging that love is really about accepting someone exactly as they are.
Making Your Guests Laugh Without Losing the Meaning
The key to a successful funny wedding reading is timing and delivery. These readings work because they start with humor but always circle back to genuine emotion and real love.
Practice reading your chosen piece out loud several times before the wedding. The funniest reading in the world won’t work if you’re stumbling over the words or racing through it nervously.
Consider your audience when making your final selection. While your college friends might appreciate the Netflix reading, your grandmother might connect more with the Dr. Seuss-inspired piece.
Your Wedding, Your Way
Funny wedding readings prove that your ceremony can be both meaningful and memorable without being stiff or traditional.
Injecting humor isn’t just a cute gimmick—it’s a love language in its own right. It’s how many of us navigate life, soothe tension, and build intimacy when words fail.
If these readings made you laugh, there’s a good chance your guests will be snort-laughing right along with you.
Choose the one that feels the most like you, and let it remind everyone that love is weird, wonderful, and sometimes best expressed through laughter and a little light sarcasm.
Because at the end of the day, if you can laugh together, you can survive just about anything.