Most couples freeze when it comes time to write their vows. They stare at blank pages, wondering how to capture years of love in a few perfect sentences that won’t make Great Aunt Martha cry or Uncle Bob snort-laugh.
The truth is, great vows aren’t about finding the perfect words—they’re about finding your words.
Start With Your Story, Not Shakespeare
Forget the pressure to sound like a poet or romance novelist. Your love story is unique, messy, and probably includes inside jokes that only make sense to the two of you.
Think about the moment you knew this person was different. Maybe it wasn’t some grand romantic gesture—maybe they brought you soup when you had food poisoning, or they laughed at your terrible puns. Those real moments matter more than any flowery language.
Write down three specific memories that define your relationship. Don’t worry about making them sound pretty yet. Just get the stories down on paper, complete with the awkward details and genuine emotions.
Ditch the Generic Love Clichés
“You complete me” and “you’re my other half” might work in movies, but they’ll make your guests’ eyes glaze over faster than a boring best man speech.
Your partner doesn’t complete you—they complement you, challenge you, or drive you slightly crazy in the best possible way.
Instead of saying you can’t live without them, talk about how they make your life better. Maybe they introduced you to Ethiopian food, convinced you to try karaoke, or helped you realize you’re braver than you thought.
Specific beats generic every single time. Your vows should be so personal that if someone else read them at their wedding, it would sound completely wrong.
Balance the Serious With the Sweet
Great vows walk the line between heartfelt and human. Yes, you’re making sacred promises, but you’re also two people who probably argue about whose turn it is to take out the trash.
Include one moment of levity—maybe a gentle tease about their coffee addiction or their inability to remember where they put their keys.
This isn’t about roasting your partner; it’s about acknowledging that you love them for who they really are, quirks included.
Follow any lighthearted moment with something deeper. The contrast makes both elements more powerful and keeps your guests emotionally engaged throughout.
Make Promises You Can Actually Keep
Here’s where many couples go off the rails. They promise to never fight, always be patient, or love their partner more every single day. These aren’t vows—they’re fairy tales.
Real promises acknowledge that marriage is work. Promise to listen even when you’re tired. Promise to apologize when you’re wrong. Promise to choose each other again and again, especially when it’s hard.
Your promises should be specific to your relationship’s needs. If you tend to shut down during conflict, promise to stay in the conversation. If your partner needs words of affirmation, promise to speak your love out loud regularly.
Write Like You Talk
Unless you normally speak in iambic pentameter, don’t start now. Your vows should sound like you having an intimate conversation with your partner, not like you’re auditioning for a period drama.
Read your vows out loud multiple times. If you stumble over phrases or they feel awkward in your mouth, rewrite them. Your wedding day will be emotional enough without fighting tongue-twisting sentences.
Record yourself reading them and listen back. Do you sound like yourself, or like you’re trying to be someone else? Authenticity trumps eloquence every time.
Keep Them Roughly Equal
This doesn’t mean counting words like you’re writing a school essay, but wildly mismatched vow lengths create awkward moments. If your partner writes a novel and you write a haiku, someone’s going to feel uncomfortable.
Talk beforehand about general length and tone. Are you both going for humor, or is one of you planning something deeply serious? A little coordination prevents one person from looking like they didn’t try hard enough.
Aim for roughly two to three minutes when read aloud. Any shorter feels rushed; any longer tests your guests’ attention spans and your own ability to get through them without crying.
Practice Without Memorizing
Memorizing your vows sounds romantic until you’re standing at the altar with your mind completely blank. Have a backup plan that doesn’t involve awkward silence.
Write them on nice paper or cards that match your wedding aesthetic. Practice reading them enough times that you’re familiar with the flow, but don’t stress about word-perfect recitation.
Consider the lighting where you’ll be standing. If your ceremony is at sunset or in a dimly lit venue, make sure your handwriting is large enough to read. Nothing kills the moment like squinting at your own words.
Handle the Emotional Moments
You’re probably going to cry, and that’s perfectly fine. Plan for it instead of pretending it won’t happen.
Bring tissues or ask someone in your wedding party to have them ready. Take your time if you need to compose yourself—your guests want you to get through this, not rush through it.
If you’re worried about getting too emotional to continue, practice the most difficult parts extra times. Familiarity with the words can help you push through when your voice starts shaking.
Test Them on Trusted Friends
Before the big day, read your vows to someone whose opinion you trust. Not for approval, but for clarity. Do they understand what you’re trying to say? Do any parts feel confusing or unclear?
Choose someone who knows your relationship well enough to catch anything that feels off-brand for you. They can also help you gauge whether your tone matches your intention.
Don’t overthink their feedback, but listen for any suggestions that immediately resonate. If multiple people stumble over the same section, it probably needs work.
The Final Polish
Great vows need time to develop. Write your first draft at least a month before your wedding, then let them sit for a few days before revising.
Come back to them with fresh eyes and ask yourself: Do these sound like me? Do they capture what I really want to say? Would my partner recognize my voice in these words?
Trim anything that feels like filler or sounds like something you think you should say rather than something you want to say. Every sentence should earn its place.
When Words Feel Impossible
Some people aren’t writers, and that’s okay. If you’ve tried multiple times and still feel stuck, consider talking through your feelings with someone who can help you organize your thoughts.
You might also draw inspiration from poems, songs, or quotes that resonate with your relationship, then personalize them with your own experiences and promises.
The goal isn’t to create a masterpiece—it’s to create something meaningful to you and your partner. Sometimes the simplest words carry the most weight.
Making Them Uniquely Yours
Your vows should reflect your personalities, your relationship, and your shared vision for the future. If you’re both book lovers, literary references might feel natural. If you bonded over terrible reality TV, don’t be afraid to acknowledge that.
Consider incorporating elements that matter to your relationship: shared values, dreams you’re building together, or challenges you’ve already overcome as a team.
The best vows feel inevitable—like these are the only words these two people could possibly say to each other at this moment.
Your Words, Your Promise
Writing great wedding vows isn’t about impressing anyone else. It’s about capturing the essence of your commitment in words that feel true to who you are as individuals and as a couple.
Trust yourself to know what matters most in your relationship. Those are the promises worth making, and the words worth saying.