After witnessing countless couples stumble through their vows—some beautifully, others not so much—I’ve seen the same pitfalls trip up even the most well-intentioned lovebirds.
These mistakes can turn your heartfelt promises into cringe-worthy moments that haunt your wedding video forever.
1. Writing a Novel Instead of Wedding Vows
Your wedding vows aren’t your autobiography. Nobody needs to hear about how you met in third grade, lost touch in high school, reconnected through your cousin’s roommate’s Facebook post, and dated for six years before getting engaged.
Long-winded vows make guests fidget and your partner’s smile freeze in place. Aim for two to three minutes maximum—that’s roughly 250-300 words when spoken at a normal pace.
The sweet spot hits when you share one meaningful story or moment that captures your relationship’s essence. Choose quality over quantity, and your words will land with much more impact.
2. Copying Someone Else’s Love Story
Pinterest vows might look perfect on a pretty background, but they weren’t written for your relationship. Generic promises about “being your best friend forever” sound hollow when everyone’s heard them a dozen times before.
Your vows should sound like you talking to your person, not like you’re reading from a greeting card. If your partner wouldn’t recognize your voice in those words, you’re on the wrong track.
Authenticity beats perfection every single time. Your quirky inside jokes and specific memories will resonate more than borrowed poetry ever could.
3. Saving Everything for the Big Reveal
Some couples think wedding vows should be a complete surprise, like a romantic ambush. This sounds sweet in theory but often creates a hot mess in practice.
Mismatched vow lengths, tones, and styles can make one person look like they didn’t try while the other seems overly dramatic. Nobody wins when one partner delivers a heartfelt three-minute speech and the other mumbles two sentences.
Discuss your general approach beforehand. You don’t need to share exact words, but agreeing on length, tone, and whether you’re including humor prevents awkward imbalances.
4. Airing Your Dirty Laundry
Your wedding ceremony isn’t couples therapy. Guests don’t need to hear about how your partner “finally learned to put the toilet seat down” or “stopped being so jealous of my work friends.”
These supposedly cute admissions of flaws make everyone uncomfortable. Your vows should celebrate your love, not highlight your relationship’s growing pains.
Focus on positive growth and shared strengths instead. Talk about how you’ve built something beautiful together, not how you’ve fixed each other’s problems.
5. Making Promises You Can’t Keep
“I promise to never go to bed angry” sounds romantic until you realize anger doesn’t follow a bedtime schedule. Unrealistic vows set you up for failure and future guilt.
Life will test every promise you make. Job losses, health scares, family drama, and plain old bad days will challenge even the most sincere commitments.
Make promises you can actually honor. “I promise to work through our disagreements with patience and love” acknowledges reality while still showing commitment.
6. Forgetting This Isn’t a Comedy Show
A little humor can lighten the mood and show your personality, but your wedding vows aren’t a stand-up routine. Too many jokes diminish the significance of what you’re actually doing.
Inside jokes that only you two understand will leave your guests confused rather than charmed. If you have to explain it later, it probably doesn’t belong in your vows.
Balance is key here. One well-placed moment of levity can be perfect, but don’t let humor overshadow the sincerity of your promises.
7. Wing It and Hope for Magic
“I’ll just speak from the heart” sounds beautifully spontaneous until you’re standing there with a blank mind and a microphone. Emotions run high on wedding days, and even the most eloquent speakers can freeze up.
Practice doesn’t kill romance—it ensures your romantic words actually come out of your mouth. Run through your vows multiple times until they feel natural.
Write them down, even if you plan to memorize them. Having a backup prevents the nightmare scenario of forgetting everything mid-ceremony.
8. Ignoring Your Audience
Your vows are primarily for your partner, but they’re not the only ones listening. Grandparents, children, and conservative relatives might be in the audience.
Overly intimate details or private references can make everyone squirm. Save the steamier stuff for your private moments together.
Consider your setting too. Beach weddings call for different energy than formal church ceremonies. Read the room and match your tone accordingly.
9. Perfectionism Paralysis
Some couples rewrite their vows seventeen times, seeking the perfect words that capture every feeling. This perfectionist trap often leads to overthinking and losing your authentic voice.
Your vows don’t need to be literary masterpieces. They need to be true, heartfelt, and genuinely yours.
Set a deadline for yourself and stick to it. Once you’ve written something that feels right, resist the urge to keep tweaking until it loses all personality.
10. Forgetting the Legal Stuff
In your quest for poetic beauty, don’t forget you’re entering a legal contract. Some couples get so caught up in creative expression that they skip the actual commitment part.
Your vows should include some version of promising to be married to this person. It sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many couples forget to actually say they’ll be spouses.
Check with your officiant about any required language. Some ceremonies need specific phrases or responses to be legally binding.
Quick Reference Guide
| Vow Element | Sweet Spot | Red Flag |
|---|---|---|
| Length | 2-3 minutes | Over 5 minutes or under 30 seconds |
| Tone | Sincere with light moments | All jokes or overly serious |
| Content | Specific to your relationship | Generic or overly private |
| Promises | Realistic and meaningful | Impossible or trivial |
| Preparation | Written and practiced | Completely improvised |
Making Your Vows Memorable for the Right Reasons
The best wedding vows I’ve heard weren’t perfect—they were real. They captured something true about the couple and their journey together.
Your vows will become part of your marriage story. Years from now, you’ll revisit these words during anniversaries, rough patches, and quiet moments of gratitude.
Don’t let avoidable mistakes overshadow what should be one of the most meaningful exchanges of your life. Take the time to craft something worthy of the love you’re celebrating.