Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding?

The microphone gets passed around more than a bottle of wine at some weddings, while at others, it barely leaves the best man’s sweaty palm.

Figuring out who should actually speak at your wedding isn’t just about tradition—it’s about creating moments that matter without turning your reception into open mic night.

The Traditional Speech Lineup

Wedding speeches have roots deeper than your great-aunt’s opinions about your dress choice. Traditionally, the father of the bride kicked things off, followed by the groom, and wrapped up by the best man.

This order made sense back when weddings were basically business transactions and the bride was considered too delicate to hold a microphone.

Times have shifted dramatically, and so have the voices we hear at weddings. Modern couples are rewriting the script, and honestly, it’s about time.

The Bride’s Voice

Why Brides Are Taking the Mic

Brides speaking at their own weddings used to raise eyebrows, but now it raises applause. You planned this entire event, survived months of vendor negotiations, and somehow managed to look stunning while doing it—of course you have something to say.

Speaking as a bride gives you control over your own narrative. Instead of being talked about, you get to do the talking. Plus, you know exactly which stories you want shared and which ones should stay buried in the group chat forever.

The Groom’s Moment

Beyond the Basic Thank You

Grooms have always been expected to speak, but the bar has been set pretty low historically. A quick thanks to the parents and maybe a joke about married life used to suffice. Today’s grooms are stepping up with heartfelt speeches that actually reflect their personality.

The groom’s speech is often the emotional centerpiece of the evening. He gets to thank the people who matter, tell the story of how he knew his partner was “the one,” and maybe roast his groomsmen just a little bit.

Parents Who Want to Share

When Mom and Dad Have Words

Parents often feel entitled to speech time, especially if they’re footing the bill. The father of the bride traditionally spoke, but mothers are increasingly asking for their moment too.

Sometimes this works beautifully, sometimes it turns into a competition for who can embarrass their child more effectively.

Setting boundaries early prevents speech creep from turning your reception into a family reunion talent show. If parents want to speak, give them guidelines about length and content.

Nobody needs to hear about your potty training adventures during cocktail hour.

The Wedding Party’s Role

Best Man and Maid of Honor Expectations

The best man’s speech is practically mandatory in most circles, and there’s good reason for this tradition. He’s witnessed the groom’s dating disasters and can speak to the transformation that love creates.

Just make sure he understands that “roasting” doesn’t mean “completely humiliating.”

Maids of honor are increasingly taking the microphone too, and their speeches often bring a different energy. They tend to focus on the bride’s journey and the friendship that’s sustained them through everything from breakups to career changes.

Extended Family Considerations

Grandparents and Special Relatives

Grandparents who want to speak can create some of the most touching moments of the evening. Their perspective spans decades, and they often share wisdom that actually means something.

Just be prepared for them to go off-script and share stories you’ve never heard before.

Other relatives might lobby for speaking time, but this is where you need to be selective. Your cousin who thinks he’s hilarious might not translate well to a mixed audience that includes your boss and your grandmother.

Friends Who Aren’t in the Wedding Party

Managing the “Can I Say Something?” Requests

Friends love weddings, and they love attention. Some will directly ask if they can give a speech, while others will hint heavily until you either give in or pretend you don’t understand their increasingly obvious suggestions.

Creating a clear policy about who speaks saves you from awkward conversations later. You can always invite close friends to share their thoughts during the rehearsal dinner or bachelor/bachelorette parties instead.

Professional Considerations

Officiant Remarks

Your officiant will likely say something during the ceremony, but some couples invite them to speak at the reception too. This works particularly well if your officiant is a family friend or someone who knows your story well.

Wedding planners and vendors occasionally ask to say a few words, especially if they’ve worked with your family before. Generally, this is unnecessary unless they’ve become genuine friends during the planning process.

Cultural and Religious Variations

Different Traditions, Different Voices

Various cultures have specific expectations about who speaks and when. Some traditions include blessings from elders, while others incorporate group participation or call-and-response elements.

Religious ceremonies might include readings or remarks from spiritual leaders. Understanding your family’s expectations helps you plan accordingly and avoid accidentally offending someone important.

Managing Multiple Speakers

Preventing Speech Overload

Too many speeches turn your reception into a lecture series. Guests came to celebrate, dance, and eat cake—not sit through twenty minutes of rambling stories about your childhood pets.

Limiting speeches to four or five speakers maximum keeps the energy flowing. Consider having some people speak during the rehearsal dinner instead, or ask them to keep their remarks to two minutes or less.

The Order of Operations

Sequencing for Maximum Impact

Speech order matters more than you might think. Starting with parents sets a warm, welcoming tone. Following with the couple keeps the focus on your relationship.

Ending with the wedding party allows for humor and celebrates the friendships that got you here.

Alternating between emotional and lighthearted speakers prevents the evening from becoming too heavy or too silly. Think of it as curating a playlist—you want variety that builds to something memorable.

Setting Speech Guidelines

What to Tell Your Speakers

Give your speakers clear expectations about length, content, and timing. Most people appreciate guidance, especially if they’re nervous about public speaking. Suggest they practice beforehand and maybe run their speech by someone else first.

Providing a microphone and designating someone to manage the technical aspects prevents awkward fumbling. Nothing kills the mood like feedback from a poorly adjusted sound system or watching someone struggle with unfamiliar equipment.

Alternatives to Traditional Speeches

Creative Options for Sharing

Video messages from people who couldn’t attend offer a modern twist on traditional speeches. You can compile these into a short montage that plays during dinner or cocktail hour.

Written notes or cards that guests can read privately give people a chance to share their thoughts without the pressure of public speaking. Some couples create a “advice station” where guests leave marriage tips or favorite memories.

Your Day, Your Decision

Ultimately, your wedding speeches should reflect what matters to you as a couple. Tradition provides a framework, but you’re not bound by it. The goal is creating moments that feel authentic and meaningful, not checking boxes on someone else’s list.

Choose speakers who genuinely care about your relationship and can articulate why your partnership matters. Skip the people who just want attention or feel obligated to participate.

Your wedding day deserves voices that enhance the celebration, not distract from it.