Let’s skip the preamble—wedding words matter. Whether you’re swapping vows, toasting at the reception, or getting voluntold to read Corinthians for the millionth time, what you say out loud will echo in the couple’s heads for years.
Here’s everything you need to confidently craft, deliver, and survive wedding vows, toasts, speeches, and readings, without sounding like a Hallmark card or a malfunctioning AI.
Wedding Vows: Making Promises You’ll Actually Remember
Wedding vows aren’t just a box to tick before you get to the party. They’re the emotional core of the ceremony, the moment everyone leans in, and the one thing you’ll probably remember word-for-word when you’re eighty (or at least, wish you could).
The pressure is real, but so is the opportunity.
Start by asking yourself why you’re doing this thing called marriage—beyond the tax break. What drew you to your partner in the first place? What do you want to promise, really?
Most vows sound nice, but the best ones feel like a secret handshake between two weirdos finding solace in each other.
Worried about writing them? Good. That means you care. The trick is to skip the grand abstractions (“I vow to love you always”) in favor of specifics (“I promise to pretend to find your dad’s stories interesting for the rest of our lives”).
Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re a crier, bring tissues and don’t apologize for it.
And if you’re terrified of public speaking, it’s fine to keep it short. No one ever left a wedding muttering, “The vows could have been longer.”
Toasts: The Good, The Bad, and The Excruciating
There’s nothing quite like the electric terror of being handed a microphone after two glasses of champagne. Suddenly, everyone’s staring at you, hoping you won’t roast the groom or make the bride cry for the wrong reasons.
Toasts can be a minefield, but they’re also the place where real, messy love gets aired.
The best wedding toasts are like a perfect cocktail: a splash of sentiment, a twist of humor, and a hefty pour of brevity. Start with a warm anecdote, if you have one.
If not, a simple, “I met Jane in college and immediately realized she had questionable taste in friends—and now, in spouses,” works just as well.
Flattery is welcome, but syrupy speeches are not. People want to hear about the couple, not a list of their achievements or a Wikipedia summary of their relationship.
Avoid inside jokes that no one else understands; go for stories that reveal something universal about love, commitment, or the shenanigans you all survived together.
Under no circumstances should you wing it. Even if you’re a public speaker, a wedding toast without notes turns shaky fast, especially after the open bar starts doing its thing.
If you get emotional, that’s human. If you curse, keep it mild—this isn’t HBO.
Speeches: More Than Filler Between Courses
Speeches at weddings can be an act of courage or a form of medieval torture, depending on who’s talking. The sweet spot? Two to five minutes, max.
Longer than that and you risk watching the salad wilt and the audience’s attention drift toward the dance floor.
If you’re the parent, best friend, or someone else with a speaking slot, your job is to offer a window into who the couple is, both separately and together.
It’s less about your relationship with them (unless it’s hilarious or tear-jerking) and more about what their union means to everyone present.
Structure helps: start with the past (how you know them), move to the present (why they work together), and end on the future (a wish or hope for their lives).
If you have a killer joke, use it early. If you have a killer story, make sure it’s appropriate for Grandma.
Don’t try to say everything. Focus on the one or two things you want the couple to hear on their wedding day. They won’t remember all your words, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.
Readings: Picking Words That Stick
Readings are the ceremonial spice rack—sometimes skipped, but the right selection can transform the whole dish. These can be religious, secular, poetic, or pulled from the couple’s favorite book, movie, or even a song lyric.
If you’re choosing a reading, consider the vibe of the wedding. A cathedral calls for gravitas; a backyard barbecue? Maybe not so much. And if you’re asked to read, practice beforehand.
Readings are less about performance, more about delivering meaning with clarity. You don’t need to recite “Sonnet 116” like Laurence Olivier, but you shouldn’t mumble it like you’re ordering at a drive-thru.
For couples, choosing a reading is a chance to add personal color, highlight your shared interests, or involve family and friends who might otherwise feel sidelined. Leave room for surprises—grandma reading Beyoncé lyrics, anyone?
Dont’s: The Fast Track to Wedding Speech Infamy
No guide would be complete without a few hard-and-fast no-go zones. Weddings are emotional, but they’re also public. Here’s how to stay out of speech jail:
- Skip ex talk. No one wants to hear about failed relationships, especially not the ones in the room.
- Inside jokes that require a five-minute backstory? Save them for the afterparty.
- Politics, religion (unless it’s a religious ceremony), or anything you wouldn’t bring up at Thanksgiving with your judgiest relatives—avoid.
- Don’t get hammered before your speech. Drunk sincerity is only cute in rom-coms.
- Roasting is fun until it isn’t. Light teasing is fine; humiliation is not.
Quick-Guide Table: Wedding Words at a Glance
| Type | Ideal Length | Tone | Best For | Example Opening Line |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Vows | 1-2 minutes | Personal, honest, specific | Couple | “I promise to let you have the last slice of pizza…” |
| Toasts | 2-3 minutes | Warm, funny, sincere | Close friends, siblings | “I’ve never seen Bob look at anyone the way he looks at Anna…” |
| Speeches | 2-5 minutes | Thoughtful, encouraging | Parents, best friends | “When I first met Sarah, I had no idea she’d become my sister…” |
| Readings | 1-2 minutes | Meaningful, clear | Anyone (picked by couple) | “Love is patient, love is kind…” |
Tips for Writing Wedding Words That Don’t Suck
Let’s clear the air: almost every normal person feels awkward writing vows or toasts. Here’s how to get past the blank page of doom.
Start messy. Jot down memories, phrases, even song lyrics that remind you of your relationship. Don’t edit as you go. See what themes emerge and build from there.
If you’re stuck, ask your partner a few “would you rather” questions about your relationship and write down the answers. You’ll be surprised what pops up.
Outlines help, even just a short list. If you lose your train of thought, your notes can keep you on track.
Say your words out loud. If you can’t get through your own vows without wincing, edit. If you have a friend who will give you honest feedback, read it to them.
Most importantly, write for the person you’re speaking to—not the crowd, not Instagram, not your future grandchildren. The moment is for you and your partner (or your friend, if you’re toasting them), and everyone else is just lucky to witness it.
Delivery: How to Not Sound Like a Robot (or Burst Into Tears)
Once your words are on paper, you need to get them out of your mouth—preferably without fainting, mumbling, or accidentally proposing to your own cousin.
Anxiety is normal; you’re not auditioning for Broadway. The trick is to speak slowly, look up once in a while, and let yourself feel a bit. Tears are fine. Laughter is better. Monotone reading is not.
If you think you’ll cry, pause, take a deep breath, and continue. If you lose your place, smile and find it again. No one is grading you.
Practice helps. But don’t over-practice to the point where you sound like Clippy reading off your screen. Your voice, your quirks, your actual feelings are what people will connect to.
Inspiration: Where to Find (or Steal) the Right Words
Everyone’s got writer’s block eventually. When you’re stuck, it’s time to borrow, adapt, or outright steal (with credit). Favorite sources? Poetry, movies, novels, or the couple’s own texts to each other (with permission, obviously).
If you’re looking for fresh readings, try contemporary poets, song lyrics, or even snippets from children’s books.
There’s something oddly moving about Dr. Seuss at a wedding (“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”)
Don’t be afraid of humor, or even a bit of irreverence—so long as it’s loving. A well-placed joke or cultural reference can wake up the crowd and make the couple feel truly seen.
Classic Mistakes & How to Dodge Them
Wedding words go awry for all sorts of reasons, but the usual suspects are easy to avoid. Going on too long is the biggest culprit. If you see people checking their watches, wrap it up.
Second, avoid turning the speech into a therapy session or airing grievances. Grudges, unresolved drama, or guilt trips belong in a therapist’s office, not a wedding.
If you’re struggling with emotion or nerves, let someone else look over your speech or vows before the big day.
Trying too hard to be “unique” is often a trap. Sincerity never gets old. The best vows and toasts sound like you on your best day.
The Final Word: Leaving Them Laughing (or Crying—In a Good Way)
Wedding words are fleeting and eternal, public and achingly personal all at once. The pressure to be perfect is real, but perfection isn’t the goal. Connection is.
If you can make the couple feel seen, make the crowd smile (or well up just a bit), and not embarrass yourself in the process, you’ve done better than most.
So go forth, speak from the heart, and try not to spill champagne on your notes. The words you share on a wedding day will be remembered long after the cake is gone and the last awkward uncle has left the dance floor.
Wrapping It Up: You’ve Got This (Really)
If you’re reading this at 2 a.m. in a panic spiral, just know you aren’t alone. Wedding vows, toasts, speeches, and readings aren’t about dazzling anyone with your vocabulary.
They’re about showing up, being honest, and letting yourself be a little vulnerable in front of people who (mostly) love you.
So breathe, write, say what you mean. The rest will take care of itself—awkward microphone handoffs and all.