I’ve watched hundreds of wedding speeches over the years, and let me tell you—some moments are so cringe-worthy they become family legend for all the wrong reasons.
Here are the thirteen most common ways people torpedo their own wedding speeches, often without realizing it until it’s too late.
1. Getting Blackout Drunk Before You Speak
Pre-speech liquid courage seems like a brilliant idea until you’re slurring through your carefully crafted words.
I once watched a best man who’d been “preparing” at the bar for two hours stumble through a speech that included calling the bride by his ex-girlfriend’s name—twice. The silence was deafening.
Your speech will be recorded, photographed, and remembered by everyone present. That Dutch courage you’re banking on? It’s more likely to turn your heartfelt tribute into a sloppy mess that overshadows the couple’s special moment entirely.
2. Sharing Deeply Personal Secrets
“Remember when Sarah thought she was pregnant that one time and cried for three days?” These words actually came out of a maid of honor’s mouth at a wedding I planned. The bride’s face went white, and her new mother-in-law’s jaw hit the floor.
Wedding speeches aren’t therapy sessions or tell-all confessionals. Save the deeply personal revelations for private conversations.
Your job is to celebrate the couple, not expose their most vulnerable moments to 150 wedding guests and Uncle Bob with his iPhone recording everything.
3. Roasting Instead of Toasting
Comedy roasts work when everyone’s in on the joke and expecting brutal honesty. Wedding receptions are not that venue.
I’ve seen best men mistake their role for a stand-up comedian, launching into a series of jokes about the groom’s dating failures, embarrassing college moments, or questionable life choices.
The line between funny and cruel gets blurrier when you’re nervous and playing to the crowd. Gentle teasing that comes from love? Perfect. Jokes that make people uncomfortable or paint the couple in a genuinely bad light? Recipe for disaster.
4. Making It All About You
Some speakers treat wedding speeches like their personal memoir reading. They drone on about their own relationship with the bride or groom, their own marriage advice, their own wedding disasters, their own everything.
Meanwhile, the actual couple sits there looking like props in someone else’s story.
Your speech should mention you only as it relates to celebrating them. Nobody came to hear your life story—they came to celebrate two people starting their journey together.
5. Bringing Up Exes
“I’m so glad Tom finally found someone better than Jessica” or “At least this relationship lasted longer than six months!” These comments seem harmless in your head but land like bombs in the room. Ex-partners are ghosts that should stay buried on wedding day.
Even positive comparisons create awkwardness. The couple wants to feel like their love story is unique and special, not like they’re being graded against past relationships. Keep all former flames out of your speech entirely.
6. Going On and On and On
The sweet spot for wedding speeches is 3-5 minutes. Beyond that, you’re testing everyone’s patience and competing with empty glasses and rumbling stomachs.
I’ve endured 20-minute speeches that felt like hostage situations, complete with guests checking their phones and the couple exchanging desperate glances.
Long speeches also increase your chances of saying something stupid. The more you talk, the more opportunities you create for foot-in-mouth moments. Edit ruthlessly and respect your audience’s attention span.
7. Winging It Completely
“I’ll just speak from the heart” sounds romantic until you’re standing there with a microphone, 150 faces staring at you, and your mind completely blank.
I’ve watched confident speakers crumble under pressure, rambling incoherently or freezing up entirely.
Even if you’re naturally gifted at public speaking, weddings carry emotional weight that can throw off your usual confidence. Having at least an outline or key points written down saves you from public humiliation when nerves kick in.
8. Getting Too Sentimental
Crying during your speech isn’t the problem—it’s when you become so overwhelmed that you can’t actually deliver the words.
I’ve seen speakers break down completely, unable to continue while the room sits in uncomfortable silence, unsure whether to comfort them or wait it out.
Emotional speeches are beautiful, but practice managing your feelings beforehand. Know which parts might choke you up and have strategies ready. Take a breath, pause, sip water—whatever helps you regain composure and continue.
9. Using Inside Jokes Nobody Understands
“Remember the chicken incident?” followed by you and the groom laughing hysterically while 148 other people stare blankly is not the bonding moment you think it is.
Inside jokes exclude everyone else and make them feel like outsiders at what should be an inclusive celebration.
Either explain the context so everyone can appreciate the humor, or skip the inside references entirely. Your speech should bring people together, not create an inner circle that leaves most guests feeling left out.
10. Ignoring the Microphone
Nothing kills a speech faster than nobody being able to hear it.
I’ve watched speakers hold the microphone too far from their mouth, turn away while talking, or ignore it completely because they think they’re loud enough. Meanwhile, half the room is straining to catch every third word.
Test the microphone beforehand if possible. Hold it close to your mouth, speak directly into it, and don’t wave it around like a conductor’s baton. Your brilliant words mean nothing if they don’t reach your audience clearly.
11. Dropping F-Bombs and Inappropriate Language
Your college buddies might appreciate your colorful vocabulary, but Grandma Rose and the flower girl probably don’t.
I’ve cringed through speeches peppered with casual profanity that made half the room visibly uncomfortable. Wedding audiences span generations and sensibilities.
Clean up your language without losing your personality. You can be authentic and engaging without relying on words that might offend or embarrass the more conservative guests. Save the sailor talk for the bachelor party stories you tell later.
12. Forgetting to Actually Toast the Couple
Some speakers get so caught up in their stories and jokes that they forget the entire point of the speech. They wrap up with something like “Anyway, yeah, congratulations I guess” instead of a meaningful toast that honors the couple and their future together.
Your conclusion should be the strongest part of your speech. End with genuine wishes for their happiness, a heartfelt toast, or an invitation for everyone to raise their glasses. Give people a clear moment to celebrate and participate.
13. Reading Directly from Your Phone
Squinting at your phone screen while delivering a wedding speech looks lazy and disconnected.
The light from your screen creates an unflattering glow, you lose eye contact with your audience, and you risk the horror of your phone dying mid-speech or accidentally swiping to your text messages.
Print out your notes or write them on index cards. Old-school paper doesn’t run out of battery, won’t accidentally open other apps, and looks more professional. Plus, you can make eye contact with the couple and guests instead of staring at a screen.
The best wedding speeches come from the heart but are delivered with your head engaged. Practice beforehand, know your limits with alcohol, and remember that your role is supporting the couple, not stealing their spotlight.
Get it right, and you’ll create a beautiful memory that enhances their special day. Get it wrong, and you’ll become the cautionary tale other wedding speakers whisper about for years to come.