Being asked to be someone’s best man is an honor that comes with one terrifying responsibility: delivering a speech that doesn’t make everyone cringe.
After witnessing countless wedding speeches that ranged from brilliant to catastrophic, I’ve learned that starting with the right joke can make or break your entire performance.
1. The Self-Deprecating Classic
“I was honored when [Groom’s name] asked me to be his best man. Then I realized he’d already asked three other people who said no.”
Self-deprecating humor immediately puts your audience at ease because it shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. This approach works particularly well if you’re naturally nervous about public speaking—it acknowledges your vulnerability while getting a laugh.
The beauty of this opener lies in its simplicity and the fact that it gently roasts both you and the groom without crossing any lines.
Starting with this type of joke also sets expectations appropriately. Your audience knows they’re in for a fun, lighthearted speech rather than something overly sentimental or serious from the get-go.
Plus, it gives you a moment to gauge the room’s energy and adjust your delivery accordingly.
2. The Dictionary Definition
“According to the dictionary, a best man is ‘the chief groomsman at a wedding.’ What it doesn’t mention is that he’s also the guy responsible for keeping the groom’s bachelor party stories locked away forever.”
Dictionary jokes work because they start with something formal and familiar, then subvert expectations with an unexpected twist.
This particular version acknowledges the unspoken code between friends while getting everyone laughing about those mysterious pre-wedding adventures. The structure gives you a comfortable framework to work within, especially if you’re feeling jittery.
The reference to bachelor party secrets creates instant camaraderie with the audience—everyone knows there are stories, but they also know you’re the trustworthy friend who won’t spill them.
This establishes your credibility as someone who can be both fun and responsible, which is exactly what you want as a best man.
3. The Childhood Friend Angle
“I’ve known [Groom’s name] since we were kids, and I can honestly say he hasn’t changed much. He’s still terrible at making decisions, which explains why it took him so long to propose to [Bride’s name].”
Childhood friendship jokes tap into the deep history you share while creating an immediate connection with the audience. Everyone can relate to having that one friend who’s been consistently themselves throughout the years.
This opener works especially well because it gently teases the groom about a universal experience—being indecisive about major life choices.
The brilliance of this approach is that it positions the bride as the obvious right choice while poking fun at the groom’s general decision-making skills.
It’s affectionate ribbing that actually compliments the couple’s relationship, showing that even someone who struggles with choices knew this one was right.
4. The Preparation Panic
“I’ve been preparing this speech for weeks, which is longer than [Groom’s name] spent picking out his wedding outfit. He literally chose his tuxedo faster than he chooses what to have for breakfast.”
Preparation jokes resonate because they highlight the contrast between the importance of the occasion and the groom’s typical approach to decision-making.
This opener works particularly well if the groom is known for being laid-back or spontaneous. It shows you’ve put thought into your speech while playfully criticizing his casual approach to major decisions.
The relatability factor here is huge—everyone knows someone who agonizes over small decisions but breezes through big ones.
By highlighting this quirk, you’re painting a picture of the groom’s personality that guests will recognize and appreciate, creating those knowing nods and chuckles throughout the room.
5. The Qualification Question
“When [Groom’s name] asked me to be his best man, I was flattered. Then I started wondering what exactly qualified me for this position. I think it’s because I’m the only friend who’s never tried to talk him out of a bad decision.”
Questioning your own qualifications is a humble way to start that gets laughs while showcasing your friendship dynamic. This joke suggests you’ve been a supportive friend through thick and thin, even when the groom’s choices were questionable.
It’s self-aware humor that actually positions you as the loyal friend everyone wishes they had.
The implication that the groom has made questionable decisions (but you’ve stood by him anyway) creates intrigue while establishing your character as someone trustworthy and non-judgmental.
This sets up the audience to trust what you’re about to say about the couple, knowing you’re not just a fair-weather friend.
6. The Research Defense
“I did some research on best man speeches, and apparently, I’m supposed to embarrass the groom just enough to get laughs but not enough to get divorced papers served at the reception.”
Meta-humor about the speech itself shows you understand the delicate balance required in wedding humor. This opener acknowledges the challenge you’re facing while getting the audience on your side from the start.
It’s particularly effective because it shows you’ve thought about the bride’s feelings and the couple’s future together.
Mentioning divorce papers at a wedding might seem risky, but when delivered with the right tone, it actually emphasizes your commitment to keeping things appropriate.
The audience appreciates that you’re aware of the boundaries, which gives them permission to relax and enjoy whatever comes next.
7. The Honest Admission
“I’ll be honest—I was surprised when [Groom’s name] asked me to be his best man. Not because we’re not close, but because I assumed he’d ask someone who was actually good at giving advice.”
Honesty paired with humility creates an instantly likeable persona. This opener works because it acknowledges your flaws while still affirming your close friendship with the groom.
It suggests that your bond is based on something deeper than just being the “wise” friend—perhaps you’re the fun friend, the loyal friend, or simply the friend who’s always there.
The beauty of this approach is that it sets up the audience to be pleasantly surprised by your speech. When you start by lowering expectations, anything genuinely touching or funny you say afterward feels like a bonus.
Plus, it positions the groom as someone who values authenticity over perfection in his friendships.
8. The Job Description
“Being a best man is like being a wedding coordinator, therapist, and bodyguard all rolled into one. Today, I’m just hoping to nail the ‘don’t mess up the speech’ part of the job description.”
Breaking down the best man role into its various components creates humor while showing you understand the responsibility you’ve been given.
This opener acknowledges all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into being a best man, which many guests don’t realize. It positions you as someone who takes the role seriously while still maintaining a light tone.
The admission that you’re focused on not messing up the speech is endearingly vulnerable. Everyone in the audience has felt that same pressure when speaking in public, so they’re immediately rooting for you to succeed.
This creates a supportive atmosphere that will carry you through the rest of your speech.
9. The Comparison Game
“They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. Looking around at [Groom’s name]’s friends today, I’m not sure what that says about any of us.”
Group roasting is a safe way to get laughs because you’re including yourself in the joke rather than singling anyone out.
This opener creates a sense of camaraderie among the groom’s friend group while acknowledging that you’re all probably a bit ridiculous in your own ways. It’s inclusive humor that makes everyone feel part of the fun.
The self-aware nature of this joke shows you have perspective on your friend group’s quirks and dynamics. It suggests that while you might all be characters, you’re loveable characters who genuinely care about each other.
This sets up the audience to appreciate the genuine friendship stories that will likely follow.
10. The Timeline Perspective
“I’ve been [Groom’s name]’s friend for [number] years, which means I’ve had a front-row seat to some truly questionable fashion choices, career decisions, and dating attempts. Today, I can finally say he got one absolutely right.”
Timeline jokes work because they acknowledge the journey while building to a compliment about the current relationship.
This opener creates anticipation—the audience wants to hear about those questionable choices—while ensuring you end on a positive note about the bride. It’s a structure that naturally leads into stories about your friendship history.
The phrase “front-row seat” positions you as a witness to the groom’s evolution, which gives weight to your endorsement of his choice in a partner.
When someone who’s seen all the mistakes says this one is right, it carries more impact than generic well-wishes from someone who barely knows the couple.
11. The Panic Attack
“I realized I had to give this speech about three weeks ago, and I’ve been having mild panic attacks ever since. [Groom’s name] told me to just ‘speak from the heart,’ which is terrible advice for someone whose heart is currently beating at 150 BPM.”
Vulnerability about your nervousness is incredibly relatable and instantly endearing. Most people have experienced public speaking anxiety, so they immediately sympathize with your situation.
This opener also allows you to poke fun at the groom’s advice-giving skills while showing that he’s trying to be supportive in his own way.
The specific detail about your heart rate adds authenticity to the joke—it’s the kind of detail that makes the audience believe you’re genuinely nervous rather than just playing it up for laughs.
This honesty creates a connection that will make them more invested in your success throughout the speech.
12. The Expectation Game
“Everyone keeps telling me that the best man speech is supposed to be funny, heartfelt, and memorable. So far, I’ve got ‘memorable’ covered—there’s no way anyone’s forgetting how nervous I look right now.”
Playing with expectations while acknowledging your current state creates immediate rapport with the audience.
This opener shows you understand what makes a good speech while admitting you’re not sure you can deliver all those elements. The honesty is refreshing and makes people want to root for you.
Redefining “memorable” to include your nervousness is clever wordplay that gets laughs while actually helping you relax.
Once you’ve acknowledged the elephant in the room—your visible anxiety—you can focus on delivering the content without worrying about whether people notice you’re nervous.
13. The Friend Zone Joke
“I’ve been in [Groom’s name]’s life for so long that [Bride’s name] had to get used to the fact that I’m basically the friend who’s never going away. Lucky for all of us, she decided to keep me around.”
Friend hierarchy jokes work when they acknowledge the new dynamic that marriage creates while showing respect for the bride’s position.
This opener recognizes that marriage changes friendships while expressing gratitude that the bride has embraced rather than threatened by your close friendship with the groom.
The phrase “never going away” could sound possessive or inappropriate, but when followed by appreciation for the bride’s acceptance, it becomes touching.
It shows you understand that successful marriages require spouses to embrace each other’s important friendships rather than compete with them.
14. The Advice Disclaimer
“Before I start, I should mention that [Groom’s name] asked me not to give any marriage advice during this speech. Apparently, my track record with relationships makes me unqualified to offer guidance. Fair point.”
Self-deprecating relationship humor works especially well if you’re single or have a history of dating mishaps.
This opener acknowledges your limitations while showing that the groom knows you well enough to set boundaries. It’s a gentle way to establish that this speech will focus on friendship rather than romantic wisdom.
The “fair point” ending shows you have good humor about your own shortcomings and respect the groom’s judgment.
This creates a dynamic where the audience sees you as someone who’s self-aware and not trying to be something you’re not—qualities that make whatever you do say more trustworthy.
15. The Responsibility Shift
“I want to thank [Bride’s name] for taking over the job of keeping [Groom’s name] out of trouble. It’s been a full-time position for years, and I’m ready to retire.”
Passing the torch jokes work brilliantly because they acknowledge the transition that marriage represents while complimenting the bride’s positive influence.
This opener positions the bride as someone who’s already proven herself capable of handling the groom’s quirks and challenges. It’s respectful while still being playful about the groom’s need for guidance.
The retirement metaphor adds humor while genuinely expressing relief that your friend has found someone who will look out for him.
It shows you care about his wellbeing and trust the bride to continue the good work you’ve been doing as his friend. This creates a lovely sense of continuity and shared care.
16. The Simple Truth
“I’m supposed to start with a joke, but honestly, the biggest joke is that [Groom’s name] somehow convinced someone as amazing as [Bride’s name] to marry him.”
Sometimes the most effective approach is the straightforward compliment disguised as a roast.
This opener appears to be setting up a traditional joke format but subverts it by delivering genuine praise for the bride while playfully diminishing the groom’s worthiness. It’s sweet and funny simultaneously.
The beauty of this style is that it immediately establishes your high opinion of the bride while maintaining the playful friendship dynamic with the groom.
Everyone wins—the bride feels complimented, the groom gets lovingly roasted, and you come across as someone who genuinely appreciates what makes their relationship special.
Final Thoughts
When writing your speech keep in mind that, the best opening joke is one that feels natural coming from you and fits the specific dynamics of your friendship and the wedding’s atmosphere.
These examples work because they’re adaptable—you can modify the details to match your situation while keeping the underlying structure that makes them effective.
The goal isn’t to be a comedian; it’s to break the ice, show your personality, and set up the heartfelt content that should form the bulk of your speech.